The Danger of a Returning Narcissist

They want control over you again.

Photo by Asaf R on Unsplash

Narcissists have a nasty habit of coming back into your life.

Both narcissists and murders are resilient and determined to get what they want from you. If that means playing a waiting game before they strike again, then that’s what they’ll do.

You took your power back.

By managing to get out from under their control, you bruised the narcissist’s ego. They see you aren’t as captivated with them as you once were, and even worse, you might not think they’re a good person. The narcissist no longer has any influence over you, which is unacceptable for them.

There are many tools in the narcissist’s box of manipulation.

Whatever worked on you before, such as sweet talk, praise, criticism, or coldness, the narcissist believes will work again.

Hoovering is one of the narcissist’s techniques.

Hoovering named after the vacuum cleaner company, Hoover, is one technique narcissists use to suck their victims back into their lives. The narcissist may be between relationships or may not be getting the attention they need from their current partner, so they hoover you to make them feel better.

Like the horror movie psychopath, the narcissist acts when your defenses down.

They’re not going to contact you immediately following a disengagement or breakup. A narcissist will wait months or even years until you’ve almost forgotten them and can think of them without fear.

They always have a plan.

Narcissists don’t do things because they’re kind or thoughtful; they do them to manipulate you. They bought a gift for you not because they were thinking of you, but to have an excuse to give it to you and hopefully make some headway in getting you back.

The threat is real.

When a narcissist reaches out, it’s as dangerous to your emotional well-being as a machete is to the horror-movie character who insists on finding out what that noise was in the basement.

Your good opinion matters to the narcissist.

Narcissists need ego boosts the same way vampires need blood, and if you’re no longer part of their fan club, they’re going to try to win you back.

The best thing you can do is not react at all.

While the narcissist prefers praise and worship, they can still feed off a negative reaction. Don’t rise to their bait and start an argument with them. You may be smarter than the narcissist, but they’re sneakier, and they know how to fight dirty.

Writer for The Los Angeles Times, Salon, The Startup, Tenderly, Fearless She Wrote, MuddyUm.

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