Not what I wanted to be doing after oral surgery — I looked like I’d been punched in the face by She-Hulk. My lips were swollen, cheeks puffy, and blood dripped from my mouth, but I paid my fare and got on the bus. I was too angry to care how I looked. My boyfriend Steve and his friend with a…

Every citizen will get their own reality show — Kim Kardashian is going to be the Mayor of our town. I don’t know when but someday. Kim isn’t content being a billionaire and major influencer. She wants to include being governor on her list of achievements, and a good first step would be becoming Mayor of Glendale, California. She…

Some trauma, drama, and enough laughter to balance it out — TW: Suicide, abuse, trauma Chapter One: Welcome to the world, baby Christine. Michaelmas daisies bloom for my birthday. Chapter Two: Ladies who lunch get an art show. Full diaper. Use poo to paint. Chapter Three: First memory. Mom falls through glass table unscathed. Chapter Four: I meet death. Death pays a visit. Grandfather dead. Chapter Five: Cats comfort me.

Were we crying for her struggles or our own? — Olivia Newton-John’s death hit me hard. I’m not the world’s biggest ONJ stan — I didn’t save my babysitting money to buy Olivia Newton-John’s music, but I liked her well enough. I thought her music was too sweet for my rock ‘n’ roll tastes, but I still went to her…

They’re hard to resist. — Yoshi always followed me into the bathroom. I’d sit on the toilet with the lid down, hold him in my arms, and he’d put his paws around my neck like a small furry child and rub his head on my chin. It was our thing. After Yoshi died, the bathroom…

Thanks for sharing — The woman was over it before she reached the check-in line. I could see the top of her head above the glass of the receptionist’s cage and heard her huffing and puffing. She wasn’t making the sounds of someone having a difficult time walking. No, these were the sounds of…

I wasn’t honest with myself or the editor — I was thrilled, and a bit apprehensive when I was offered the writing job, but I lost the job before I even wrote one word. This job was unique in that it was the only job where I was simultaneously looking forward to and dreading my first assignment. Miscommunication and…

She’s not Phoebe, but that doesn’t mean she’s a terrible person — Dear Lisa-Non-Fans, After Spencer Pratt called Lisa Kudrow the “ one of the worst humans I’ve ever come into contact with,” and Bethany Frankel chimed in that she’d also had a crazy experience with the “Friends” star, Lisa Kudrow got an unasked-for image change. Fans have gone from loving the…

The brutal truth can ruin a friendship — If Marcel’s partner, Ritchie, was only a sloppy drunk, I could have tolerated him. But drinking to excess turned out to be Ritchie’s most endearing quality. Ritchie was always dialed up to twenty, loud and obnoxious. He treated Marcel like crap with snide insults and obvious hookups with other men. …