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Christine Schoenwald
Christine Schoenwald

14.9K Followers

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Published in

The Narrative Arc

·Pinned

We Pretended To Be Our Parents to Right a Grievous Wrong

You’re never too young to fight for justice — I’d like to state for the record that I wasn’t then nor am I now, bitter about not getting cast in our high school production of “South Pacific.” Being on the make-up crew with my friends Lynne, and Debbie was glory enough. “They’ll remember you,” my good friend Lauren said…

The Narrative Arc

7 min read

We Pretended To Be Our Parents to Right a Grievous Wrong
We Pretended To Be Our Parents to Right a Grievous Wrong
The Narrative Arc

7 min read


Published in

Crow’s Feet

·Pinned

I’m 62. Is It Too Late to Start Lying About My Age?

I meant to say, I’m 42…yeah, that’s right, 42 — The first rule of lying about your age is never to reveal your real age, and the second is to start early. Really early, like at birth. Why, oh why, couldn’t my parents have procrastinated in filling out my birth certificate or delayed putting me in school right away? I…

Aging

5 min read

I’m 62. Is It Too Late to Start Lying About My Age?
I’m 62. Is It Too Late to Start Lying About My Age?
Aging

5 min read


Published in

The Narrative Arc

·Pinned

I Made the Unforgivable Mistake of Trying to Help Him with His Comedy

I should have known better — Funny women can be terrifying to men. It makes sense because even the dumbest jokes, stupidest physical comedy, and grossest potty jokes take a fair amount of intelligence. You have to understand what something is before you can make fun of it. Smart women can be scary to those threatened…

The Narrative Arc

6 min read

I Made the Unforgivable Mistake of Trying to Help Him with His Comedy
I Made the Unforgivable Mistake of Trying to Help Him with His Comedy
The Narrative Arc

6 min read


Published in

The Narrative Arc

·Pinned

Whether You Know It or Not, You’ve Touched Someone’s Life

Most likely a lot of lives — A few months back, I had a phone conversation with a woman I hadn’t spoken to in over forty years. The conversation was fascinating on many levels but one of the most important things I learned was that you don’t always know the difference you are making in someone’s life. …

Personal Essay

5 min read

Whether You Know It or Not, You’ve Touched Someone’s Life
Whether You Know It or Not, You’ve Touched Someone’s Life
Personal Essay

5 min read


Published in

The Narrative Arc

·Pinned

My Mother Predicted Her Imminent Death Five Years Ago, but She’s Outliving Everybody

She only wants to outlive her pets — When Harry Belafonte died at age ninety-six, I couldn’t wait to tell my ninety-eight-year-old mother. This may seem morbid to you, as if I was saying, “Your time has come,” but it’s actually the opposite. …

Nonfiction

4 min read

My Mother Predicted Her Imminent Death Five Years Ago, but She’s Outliving Everybody
My Mother Predicted Her Imminent Death Five Years Ago, but She’s Outliving Everybody
Nonfiction

4 min read


Published in

Crow’s Feet

·20 hours ago

My Mother’s Fierce Independence and Strong Will Prevents Her From Accepting the Help She Needs

She’s never been a believer in the easy way — I laugh when friends use words like make or force in regard to my mother. She’s 98-years-old, basically bedridden, but no one can make her do anything. As her family, we’re too scared of what she might do to push it. She’s almost entirely deaf but refuses to use any…

Aging

5 min read

My Mother’s Fierce Independence and Strong Will Prevents Her From Accepting the Help She Needs
My Mother’s Fierce Independence and Strong Will Prevents Her From Accepting the Help She Needs
Aging

5 min read


Published in

The Narrative Arc

·2 days ago

While My Mother’s Sanity Slips Away, I Make My Father’s Potato Salad

When nothing makes sense, performing simple tasks can help — Yesterday, one of my mother’s caregivers, Rachel, called so I could do a video call with my mother. She couldn’t work out the video part, so she handed the phone to my mother who’d just woken up from a napmare. I could tell my mother was extremely agitated because of…

The Narrative Arc

4 min read

While My Mother’s Sanity Slips Away, I Make My Father’s Potato Salad
While My Mother’s Sanity Slips Away, I Make My Father’s Potato Salad
The Narrative Arc

4 min read


Published in

Middle-Pause

·May 23

I Agreed to Speak at My Friend’s Funeral Because I Didn’t Think I’d Have to Keep My Promise

She thinks I’ll lighten the mood — “Promise me, you’ll speak at my funeral,” my friend, D, said. “I know you’ll be funny, and I don’t want everybody to be sad when I’m gone.” She’s always thinking of others and wants to ensure her funeral isn’t a downer. D is religious enough to be looking forward to…

Women

4 min read

I Agreed to Speak at My Friend’s Funeral Because I Didn’t Think I’d Have to Keep My Promise
I Agreed to Speak at My Friend’s Funeral Because I Didn’t Think I’d Have to Keep My Promise
Women

4 min read


Published in

Catness

·May 22

Senior Class Superlatives for My Cats

Another excuse to post pictures of my cats — My cats aren’t street-smart or book-smart. They’re cute-smart. Here’s the good thing — they don’t have to be brilliant at anything. Their only job is to look adorable, and the world is their oyster. Though they don’t get served oysters — that would be wasteful! That’s not to say they’re…

Cats

4 min read

Senior Class Superlatives for My Cats
Senior Class Superlatives for My Cats
Cats

4 min read


Published in

In for a Penny

·May 19

I’m Not an Astrologist, but Here’s What I’ve Learned Writing Hundreds of Articles about the Zodiac Signs

I can’t create an astrological chart to save my life — When I say I’ve written hundreds of Zodiac pieces I’m not exaggerating. It may be closer to over a thousand. I wrote five zodiac pieces a week for over a year even though I’ve never had any schooling in astrology. Google it, if you don’t believe me. I stopped writing…

Listicles

5 min read

I’m Not an Astrologist, but Here’s What I’ve Learned Writing Hundreds of Articles about the Zodiac…
I’m Not an Astrologist, but Here’s What I’ve Learned Writing Hundreds of Articles about the Zodiac…
Listicles

5 min read

Christine Schoenwald

Christine Schoenwald

14.9K Followers

Writer for The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Next Avenue, Business Insider, and Your Tango Christineschoenwaldwriter.com

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