5 Things You Learn From Having a Misogynist Mom

She’s not your biggest fan

Christine Schoenwald
4 min readNov 17, 2021


If you're born female, a misogynist mother isn't your cheerleader. She's an adversary you have from birth. If you're a trans-woman, she'll be confused and wonder at your choices.

A misogynist mom may go through the motions of supporting you, but deep down, she wants to see you subjugated and aware of your inferiority to men.

My misogynist mother views strong females as the enemy. Women who dare to deprive men of the success that's rightfully theirs and, in the process, leave them broken and emasculated.

When I was growing up, I noticed how critical my mother was of other women. Her picking them apart and pointing out their failings made me feel uncomfortable.

Why was a woman's looks the most important thing she had to offer? If she wasn't beautiful, why didn't her other attributes like humor, intelligence, kindness, or athleticism have any currency?

I didn't want to be like my mother, so I did everything to differentiate myself from her. She liked to sunbathe; I stayed out of the sun. She hated cooking, so I took over making dinner every night. She shudders when she hears the word 'feminist,' and I happily embrace it.

My mother is entitled and old-fashioned. She was born in another time, but that doesn't excuse her. It was her choice to regress instead of opening her mind and fighting against the patriarchy.

The greatest compliment I can receive is when someone says, "You're nothing like your mother."

We have choices; we can be carbon copies of our mothers, take on their best qualities, reject the rest, or carve out our identities. My mother isn't me, and I'm not required to take on her beliefs, especially the dated, sexist, and toxic ones.

The lessons I've learned from my mother are not what she wanted to teach me but have helped me grow into a strong, capable woman.



Christine Schoenwald

Writer for The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Next Avenue, Business Insider, and Your Tango Christineschoenwaldwriter.com